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Boob perception - trigger warning
I know I've said a lot of stupid things about boobs and boob shape and about my own boobs since I started wearing bigger bras this summer. And I am now really trying not to trigger others if I can avoid it. So if you know you are someone that can get triggered; please don't read this. There's a lot of demeaning and strong language here. And I urge you not to read if you don't want to get triggered. Because you will.
Writing this is a way of putting words on things that has messed with my head the last six months. Things I've had to revalue.
I grew up in the 80's when we went braless and I was 20 when the pushup hit the market like a bomb. This has totally shaped how I perceive boobs and what boobs "should" look like.
1. Hot big boobs are projected.
2. Hot boobs are full on top, you know football shape - that's the look the nineties taught us is "sexy".
3. Boobs outside the body/under the arm is considered "the fat look".
4. Goodlooking boobs are round
5. Goodlooking boobs has light and small areola and perky nipples
6. Goodlooking boobs are firm.
Key word: Defined.
But as we all know when something is considered sexy it can also be seen as tacky. Think; Victoria Becham. Too defined. Too deep, too big, too round, too big too much top tissue etc etc.
But for some reason I also learned that I had another kind of boobs. They would never look vulgar. I got away with having so deep cleavage but I still would look classy. Because I didn't have that hard football shape. I didn't know it by then what it was called but of course it was shallow, wide rooted, softer. They always kind of melted into the background.
Key word - Undefined.
I always hated everything not firm. I always hated everything not round. But I learnt with the look I had I could get away with deep cleavage. So I did. I've rocked cleavages since the age of 20. I don't have the typical sexy attributes and will hence not be seen as vulgar.
There also was another look to big boobs that I disgusted. The matronly look.
The matronly look is the look of high on chest projected boobs on a woman with power. Boobs on her will not be considered beautiful or feminine, rather they are there to scare. She often has a wider rib cage, she may or may not be fat but she is fully clothed. She is the typical evil lady running an orphanage or the evil teacher scaring the little children. Like this: https://www.google.se/search?q=lady+bracknell&hl=sv&tbo=u&tbm=isch&source=univ&sa=X&ei=ixXRUNZhrPXhBI-fgIAN&ved=0CC0QsAQ&biw=1855&bih=873 Lady Bracknell in Oscar Wildes The Importance Of Being Ernest.
I wasn't more than 20 years before I realised I had that look. My rib cage is huge in comparison to my height, I have always felt like I was presented first by my boobs and then by my face. So I never stood up straight. Ever. Haunched shoulders, always, head forward, cleavages.
It wasn't until this summer I decided I would stop doing that. And I know how to do it, I've done this before. I accepted my fat body by looking at other fat bodies that were beautiful. It has been years now since I started to love my cellulites and my love handles. I love my collarbones being invisible and the stretch marks on my stomach. So why not the bones underneath and the boobs on top of it.
Because while I know the images we see in the media impact us, it still doesn't make us incapable of changing how we see others and ourselves. It just takes a whole lotta hard work to get there.
(And while I'm at it; If you see me saying anything demeaning about any body shape or boob shape from now on please tell me. Because I will from now on at least try to put a trigger warning in front of it. )
6 comments
It's good that we all confront our preconceived notions. I would disagree about Victoria Beckham, though. She has cultivated an angular, severe look that would be awful on me if I tried to copy it, but it works for her.
I've always had great cleavage--but I also have a lot of lady Bracknell about me, especially as I get older. I try to soften those edges but while my boobs are soft, my personality isn't!
So I figure everyone has things they like and dislike about themselves, everyone struggles to make it all work, so I too try not to be too judgmental. Well, I try, anyway!
Amen, sistah!
I, too, have walked haunched all my life. No more, or at least I try to stop doing it. The media sucks, and that's why I adore the busty bloggers I've discovered in the last couple of months :) They help me find the beauty in my own body and other 'plus'sized women, and rock their bras and wardrobes, giving me inspiration to re-do my wardrobe and start looking my best!
Yes, most people remember me first by my boobs, then by my character. I cannot hide my boobs, they're always there and while it's difficult, better to accept them and make the best of them than try to hide them (which never works)! Yes, I say make the best of them, because there is a transition period before you can really be proud of your breasts and happily flaunt them more when you come from the haunching-stance.
OK I lost my train of thought. Keep up the good work, it's a difficult world we live in where nobody is ever good enough according to the media but WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL!!
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